When My Mind Wanders Down Worry Road…

For the last month, I’ve been working on a master prayer list for each of my four kiddos. I got the idea from the book, “The Power of a Praying Parent.” In the book, each chapter deals with a specific area in your child’s life.

This morning, I was reading through a chapter on rejecting sexual immortality and it felt heavy. I felt the weight of raising our kids in a world where they are constantly bombarded with sex. It’s in front of their eyes (and ours) at every turn, on billboards, tv, in song lyrics, not to mention smart phones.

As I was reading, my mind began to wander down a road of all the “what if’s” for my kid’s futures…

“I have three boys, are they going to be addicted to porn? Or my girl? What about when they have a boyfriend or girlfriend in school? It was hard when I was a kid and we didn’t have kids sexting then or kids sending nude photos back and forth! Will they be able to wait until they are married to have sex? What can I do to stop all this? I need to start having conversations about this all the time! I need to make sure they don’t have smart phone until they are 35 years old!”

My mind would have gone on like this for quite a while if the Holy Spirit hadn’t stopped me. All the sudden, in the middle of my cascading questions and worries, I remembered a thought from a book I’ve been reading. It was something close to…

We are not responsible to produce faith in another person’s heart.

I hadn’t even been specifically thinking about that, but that thought was all it took for me to remember Who is in control of all things…and who is Not. Who knows when my kids sit and when they rise. Who is acquainted with all their ways far better than I ever will be.

I needed the reminder that when it comes to my children, it is not my responsibility (or weight to carry) to save them or to convince them to walk in the ways of the Lord. In fact, it’s prideful to think that I can!

That is ALL God.

Sure, I am responsible to share God’s truth with my kids, love them well, show them how to follow Christ by modeling it, and pray for them.

But I am not responsible to produce faith in them.

But that’s hard having no control over that, isn’t it?! We love our kids so much and we truly want what is best for them. So much so, that we overstep and try to do our job AND God’s job! We try to bear the weight of their future and with that brings hovering, ulcer-ridden, haggard parents.

But God is not asking us to bear that weight. In fact, He’s doing the opposite, He’s telling us to leave the weight with Him.

He shows us this perfectly in 1 Peter 5:7. Peter says to “cast your cares upon Him, for he cares for you.” The Greek word used for “casting” is only used one other time in this exact way. It’s in Luke 19:35 when Jesus is going to ride the donkey into Jerusalem and his disciples “cast” or “place upon” the donkey their cloaks. Rather than carrying them, the donkey carries the load.

What a beautiful picture!

We are not meant to carry these burdens, fears, and anxieties concerning our children. We are not meant to try and control their futures. Peter is saying, (well actually he’s commanding) his readers, to let Jesus be the load bearer. Only He can handle it.

However, this doesn’t mean we can just checkout. This doesn’t leave us useless parents. There’s a lot we can do in the lives of our kids! To name a few…

-We can fervently pray that according to God’s great mercy He will cause our kids to be born again to a living hope (1 Peter 1:3).

-We can pray that they will walk by the Spirit, not following the desires of their flesh nature (Galatians 5:16).

-We can teach our kids the truth that God is kind and long-suffering. He isn’t willing that any should perish (2 Peter 3:9).

-We can understand that it is precisely God’s kindness that brings anyone to repentance. It’s His kindness that will draw our kids in and make them want to run to Him instead of worldly pleasures. (Romans 2:4).

There is a lot we can and should do and Peter gives us even more…

In the same verse, Peter doesn’t end his train of thought with the command to cast our burdens, he ends it with a promise. “…because He cares for you.”

In other words, the way to practically take our anxieties concerning our children, and transfer them from our back to God’s back, is to trust that He cares for us and He cares for our kids even more than we do! We have to believe this promise…and when that’s really really hard, then we ask him to help our unbelief!

We can do all of this through prayer.

John Piper says, “Prayer is trust turned toward God and spoken.”

It’s turning our minds away from the road of worry that it wants to run down and turning it towards trust in God through verbally pouring our hearts out before Him.

The apostle Paul takes this one step farther and describes the peace of God and guarded hearts and minds we receive when we pour out our requests before the Lord.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God which passes all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6

What freedom there is when we relinquish our (perceived) control over our kid’s lives! What mercy we receive through Christ bearing our burden, first, on the cross, and then in our daily concerns.

I forget all this too quickly, but I’m so thankful for these daily reminders from the Spirit.

 

(picture from bigstock.com)

Memorial Stones

Today marks the anniversary of my dad’s death. Three years. Last night, I spent some time reading over a post that I wrote a couple of weeks after he died. While reading it, I was reminded of some of the small details that I had forgotten. I’m so glad I wrote it back then because it truly has served its purpose as a Memorial Stone for me to remember all the ways the Lord showed me grace back then and how He continues to now. I wanted to re-post it today as an encouragement for myself but also perhaps for some of you…

Memorial Stones

Yesterday, the Lord brought the story of Joshua and the nation of Israel to my mind (it had to be the Lord, how often do I think about that story?). In Joshua chapter 4, it specifically talks about memorial stones.

“After the entire nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the Lord spoke to Joshua: “Choose 12 men from the people, one man for each tribe, and command them: Take 12 stones from this place in the middle of the Jordan where the priests are standing, carry them with you, and set them down at the place where you spend the night.”

So Joshua summoned the 12 men he had selected from the Israelites, one man for each tribe, and said to them, “Go across to the ark of the Lord your God in the middle of the Jordan. Each of you lift a stone onto his shoulder, one for each of the Israelite tribes, so that this will be a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’  You should tell them, ‘The waters of the Jordan were cut off in front of the ark of the Lord’s covenant. When it crossed the Jordan, the Jordan’s waters were cut off.’ Therefore these stones will always be a memorial for the Israelites.””

I’ve been so incredibly thankful for the Lord’s goodness and graciousness during the last two weeks and it’s something I don’t want to forget. I want to make my own “memorial stones” to remember specific instances, so I can look back and see exactly how the Lord was so good to me and my family during such a difficult time.

Memorial Stones

– I think the stone that is the base for all the other stones, has to be what a gracious God we love and follow; to have sent his own Son to die once and for all so that, “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” There is no doubt that my dad is with the Lord and that means everything. How thankful I’ve been to not be a part of a religion dependent on works for eternal life but rather trusting and accepting the gift of the One who already paid it all.

-I got sick while my mom was in Colorado visiting family, so she left a day early to come to Tulsa to help me. She arrived the night before we found out about my dad. We were all so thankful that she made the 13 hour trip to Tulsa, before finding out the news.

-It was also God’s grace that she was scheduled to be in Tulsa for a week and had some distance from all that was going on at her home.

-God’s timing was perfect that I didn’t deliver on “my due date” which was two weeks early like I did with the boys. Delivering a week later gave us much needed time together, to cry, grieve, process, and talk.

-The gift of family- in which my mom has three daughters, three sons-in-law, and grandchildren which adore her and want to see her and take care of her.

-One of the greatest and most powerful gifts the Lord has given us is the incredible body of believers who have supported us. They are composed of old friends, new friends, childhood friends I haven’t talked to in years, family, extended family, old church friends, all who have continually held us up in prayer and encouragement over the last two weeks.

-The Lord has given us life – a new life and such joy in bringing us our little Samantha. I simply can’t be thankful enough for the enormous grace God gave me through labor and delivery. From first contraction to seeing little Samantha was less than 4 hours. Two sets of pushes and we got to hear, ”Surprise! It’s a girl!!!”

 

-She was healthy, ate like a champ from the very beginning. In retrospect it was good she came at 39 weeks and not 38, since she was 6lbs, 12oz. Then there’s me, I was walking around just hours after delivery, I haven’t had any stomach issues like I did after the boys were born, and nursing has gone much better than before. I can just see grace, poured over grace, and then more grace, in all these things.

-The boys have adjusted well. Even with a crazy schedule and mom and dad staying in the hospital with Samantha, twice.

-The Lord’s gift in sending us to this residency program. Everyone has bent over backwards to encourage us, make us meals, tell us they are praying for us, and give Emanuel time off.

-My friend and I were talking this morning about grace given in the midst of grace denied. We (and many others) were praying for a safe and easy drive to Ohio, knowing it may have been difficult with me having just given birth, a newborn, and two toddlers. While the Lord denied our trip entirely, and denied us attending the funeral. He gave incredible grace in that Samantha’s fever spiked hours before we were going to leave. We weren’t 6 hours into the trip, we weren’t at my family’s house which is two hours from the nearest children’s hospital, we were right here, where we know our pediatrician and the children’s hospital is a few miles away. She received great medical care, was diagnosed quickly (with Viral Meningitis) and had a quicker than normal turn around. Praise the Lord, less than a week later she is completely healthy.

-Seven years ago while Emanuel gave me a rock to put on my finger the Lord placed a rock in my life through him as a husband. The day we found out about my dad, he immediately drove home and sat with my mom and me, as we cried. He listened, held me, and took the boys out so my mom and I could talk more. He’s been amazing through everything. Literally every day the last two weeks I’ve thought, “Oh Lord, I can’t believe I got to marry this man, thank you, thank you, thank you!”

My brother-in-law always used to say to me, “Don’t doubt in the darkness what you know to be true in the light”. So the last two weeks I have asked, “What do I know to be true in the light?” For me, the logical answer has been literally listing all the good things the Lord has given us. Through doing this, I can see that, even though this is and has been the most difficult time in my life so far, the grace the Lord has poured over my life has been so abundantly evident.

Ten Simple Words that I’d Love to Hear from any Veteran Mom

A couple of months ago, I took all four of my kiddos to our small community library. The maximum amount of books we can check out is ten, so I told the older three kids that they could each choose three books to bring home. We walked around for a little bit and looked at the different books and after a few minutes each kiddo had chosen their books and so we headed up front to check out.

The sweet middle-aged woman who was checking out our books smiled at my kiddos and then turned to me and said, “Your kids are so respectful and well-behaved.” Then she rolled her eyes as she added, “I wish all the kids that come in here were that way, we get some really wild ones.”

I smiled and said, “Well thank you, although mine certainly have their wild times too.” Then we all said goodbye and headed out to the car.

During the twenty minutes in the car, I couldn’t stop thinking about that conversation with the librarian. While she was certainly well meaning in her compliment, I couldn’t fully accept the praise because I knew that by just changing one or two variables in the library, that it easily could have been my kids that she was rolling her eyes about. If I would have come merely 30 minutes closer to lunch time or an hour closer to nap time, my kids may have been the “wild ones,” throwing fits, running amuck, and screaming their heads off.

So while the compliment on my kid’s behavior was nice to hear, I couldn’t help but feel that there must be some better words for a veteran mom to encourage a younger mom. I thought about how there must be some words that could be said to encourage both a younger mother with kids running wild, as well as, a younger mother whose kids are politely obeying (at least for the moment). Words that could bring life to a mother in either situation, and yet, would be truthful for the one giving the encouragement.

I thought about this for a few days, and I came up with ten words that I truly think that every young mom would love to hear from a veteran mom…or at least I’d love to hear it! They are…

“Keep up the hard work mama! It is worth it!”

I get a smile on my face just picturing a veteran mom cheering on a younger mom with these ten simple words. Because they infer so much…

First, it is acknowledging to a younger mom that this parenting thing is hard…really hard! Young moms need to know that veteran moms struggle too! Because honestly, one glance at Pinterest and you think that everybody else has it all together. So, if a veteran mom, who is a few years ahead in parenting, acknowledges how hard it is, then it gives permission for a younger mom to feel the struggle and know that they are completely normal!

Second, it is acknowledging that this younger mom is currently doing-the-work, she’s literally in the midst of it, right this minute! I can’t even count how many young moms that I have talked to that have felt lonely and forgotten while their kiddos were little. Between naps and sick kids, it’s easy for a young mom’s interaction with other adults to be limited. By saying these ten words, a veteran mom is basically saying, “Hey girl, I see you! I see that you are tired! I see that you love that kiddo so much. This parenting stuff is important! You got this! Keep it up!” This might be just what that young mother needed to hear.

Third, you are acknowledging that motherhood is a sacrifice. Every mom knows that being a mom requires a lot of sacrifice, but sometimes young moms (especially), just need it to be verbally acknowledged. Then after that, they need to be reminded that not only are these kiddos “worth it” because they are made in God’s image and therefore have intrinsic value, but also that all that physical wear and tear of mothering is worth it. All that time spent reading the same book to your toddler over and over again is worth it. Spending the extra time to deal with your child’s heart rather than just correcting his/her outward behavior is worth it. Just being reminded that those often mundane and seemingly unimportant small things that a young mom is doing with their little ones now, will come to fruition later. That is something a veteran mom has actually seen and a way that she can encourage a younger mom who can only speculate how all this will matter later.

Fourth, it is acknowledging that you and this young mom are in the same club. All mothers are working through this stuff and not one of us have it all together. We may have kids that are different ages, live in different places, and parent differently, but we are all in this thing together.

I think THOSE are things that a young mama needs to hear! …whether she’s someone you see routinely or simply passing by in the grocery store.

So please, sweet veteran mama, when you see a young mama struggling to keep her composure when her little one is throwing a tantrum OR when you see a young mama with an especially obedient kiddo and want to praise her, just look her in the eyes, give her a big smile, and say these ten words…

“Keep up the hard work mama! It is worth it!”

Because they will be life giving, I promise.

 

(picture created at snappa.io)

You’re a Good Good Father

I cried all the way home from the grocery store this morning.

My sweet mom sets aside her Tuesday mornings to go grocery shopping with me…and this morning I needed her more than usual. School was canceled for my oldest two, so I got to take all four kiddos to the grocery store. But that wasn’t why I was crying (although some days that would have done it). I needed my mom this morning to just listen to me, let me cry, hold my hand, and offer a couple thoughts just before getting out of the car.

On top of feeling like a really terrible mom lately, and knowing that I just need the Lord to save my children despite their mother’s hourly shortcomings; I’ve also had a heavy heart over two families that we know. One family just lost their oldest son this last week to illness at age 13 and the other a two year old girl who is still fighting for her little life.

Right after my dad died, my five day old little girl was hospitalized with bacterial meningitis. I missed my dad’s funeral because I was states away sitting in a hospital room holding my little one. I remember so vividly feeling carried through that time. So many people were praying for our family, so many people were heartbroken for us, and while I know the Lord Himself gave me strength, I also feel like He allowed others to carry some of the burden both physically and emotionally.

And I have felt it this week. I have felt heartbroken for these two families.

So while talking with my mom, the tears (and the snot) just started flowing. As I pulled up to her home, she took my hand and said, “You know Candace, there are a few good things about getting older. When your body starts to fall apart and your mind isn’t as sharp as it used to be, you absolutely know that you can’t do life in your own strength and that you need God’s.”

Then she squeezed my hand, said that she would be praying for me, and got out of the car.

I knew she was right.

I not only needed to ask God to give these families strength but I needed God’s strength too. …and a little bit of His perspective couldn’t hurt either!

So as I started the drive home, I began to preach truth to myself. By “preaching truth to myself” I mean that in my mind the song, “Eye of the Tiger” starts playing, and I go into Rocky Balboa mode and I start going over the things that I know to be true about God.

The first thing that came to my mind was that God is in control and has a plan. While I may not understand completely what He is doing in the lives of these families, I know that ultimately His plans are good and that I can trust Him. I thought about Psalm 24:1 that says, “The earth is the Lord’s and everything in it, the world and all who live in it.”

I also know that God has shown us again and again in Scriptures that one of His purposes is to “Make His Name Great” and that we are supposed to “Make known among the nations what He has done!” And while this side of heaven we will never fully understand or make complete sense of all the struggle in our lives, I, personally can look back at this week and say that I’ve been completely blown away at how God glorifying these two families have been IN THE MIDST of their suffering. They have both truly made His Name Great through their faith, their attitudes, and their words. Not fake, but trusting in His character and resting in His strength!

Then while still preachin’ to myself…the next verse that came to my mind was Isaiah 55:9, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” But believing that truth and trusting Him in it is hard! So I prayed that I might “Trust in Him with all of me and stop relying on how I think the world should work.” (Proverbs 3:5 my paraphrase)

About that time, I looked in the rear view mirror at my four shockingly quiet kiddos, and I decided to turn on the radio for them. (Perhaps they saw my face and knew that I was in “Rocky” mode)

I turned on the radio and I listened to the first line of the song, and I just lost it (more tears and snot).

Oh, I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think you’re like

But I’ve heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night

And you tell me that you’re pleased

And that I’m never alone

~~~

You’re a Good, Good Father

It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are

And I’m loved by you

It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

And I started raising my hand to the heavens (no worries the other hand was still on the steering wheel) and I realized that sometimes, when preaching to myself, I get into the “Buck up Candace!” mentality and think things like “God’s in charge and you aren’t! Get over it and just trust Him!”

…But I forget the loving, gracious, gentle, Father that draws me in so that I want to follow Him.

Then the next part of the song says…

Oh, and I’ve seen many searching for answers far and wide

But I know we’re all searching

For answers only you provide

Cause you know just what we need

Before we say a word

~~~

You’re a Good, Good Father

It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are

And I’m loved by you

It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

~~~

Cause you are perfect in all of your ways

You are perfect in all of your ways

You are perfect in all of your ways to us

(Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin – Listen to it by clicking HERE)

Oh, what a sweet reminder that no matter what is going in life, my God doesn’t change.

He is, who He is, and therefore I know who I am!

And a Big part of Who He is…is a Good Father!

A Father who we can trust, even when it doesn’t all make sense. A Father in whom we can bring our concerns, our tears, our questions, and who holds the answers. A Father who loves these families and kiddos more than any of us. A Father who knows I’m going to mess up this parenting stuff a lot, but still gives grace and forgiveness. A Father who will let us carry each other’s burdens…even if just a little bit. And a Father who will give us His strength and perspective when we need it…which is always!

Am I a Woman of The Word?

It seems to me, that most Christians find that either studying the Bible OR praying comes easier…while the other one takes a little more work.

For most of my life, I would have said that studying the Bible came much easier for me.

After I became a Christian in high school, I LOVED reading my Bible. My sister would bring some basic Bible studies home when she would return from college and I would quickly go through each one. I couldn’t stop at just one reading a day, I would always read several because I just couldn’t get enough.

I memorized the first chapter of James in a few weeks and then moved on to part of Colossians. I loved God’s Word.

Then, I went to a Christian college and thoroughly enjoyed my Old and New Testament classes. I even decided to add a women’s ministry minor onto the already required Bible minor, because I just loved my Bible classes!

In 3 out of the 4 summers in college, I worked at a Christian camp. During camp I was constantly in the Word. Besides having daily Bible reading with our junior high and senior high campers, my campers questions were enough for me to keep my nose in the Scriptures, searching for answers.

After college, my husband and I went to China and taught English to junior high and high school students. We were able to study the Bible with some of our students after school, as well as, new believers who were attending house churches and wanted to study the Bible more. New believers ask THE BEST questions, so again, we were constantly in the Word.

It’s not that I didn’t pray during those years, but it was always harder for me.

And then something strange happened.

I had a baby.

And almost overnight, something switched. All of the sudden, it was prayer that came easier for me and Bible study that became more difficult.

Maybe it was the sheer terror after my mom returned home, and I was left with this small one, in which I had no clue what I was doing.

Maybe it was because feeding a baby 4 to 5 times a night, left a lot of time for prayer.

Maybe it was because I almost always fell asleep trying to read my Bible, in those first few months years.

Maybe it was because prayer seemed easier to do, “on the go” rather than having to block out a chunk of time.

But whatever the reason, I didn’t fight it too hard, and I became a praying wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend.

And that is great. I thank the Lord that He has grown me in that area.

However, without even really realizing it, I got into a routine of just resting on the verses and passages that I had studied in the past, rather than continually studying God’s Word in the present.

Now that residency is over and we are out of survival mode, life has become more quiet, it has slowed down, and what was hidden in the busyness has become quite obvious…

I’ve neglected God’s Word for a few years, and now it feels like I’m trying to draw from a storehouse that has slowly been emptied.

It’s not that I haven’t been involved in Bible studies, because I have. But more times than not, I’ve been simply rushing the morning of, trying to fill in blank spaces. …OR spending a super fast 5 minutes (out of my 1,440 in a day), not really engaging the text or letting it change me.

So, to answer my own question, “No, right now I am not a woman of The Word.”

Just because I once was, doesn’t mean I am now.

BUT my friends, there is hope! Just like a friend of mine posted on FB last year, and I’ve never forgotten…

“You don’t need to wait for a new year to make changes in your life, you just need a Monday!”

Soooooo, I am going to study the Psalms this year and I ordered this book today via Amazon Prime (of course), to be my companion. I’m a big Tim Keller fan and love his insights. This book also spends a lot of time learning how to pray through the Psalms. (maybe I can find some balance between Bible study and prayer!)

 

So, anybody else been resting on the loins of Bible study they have done in the past and not really doing anything today? Want to join me? Let me know, and we can go through it together!

Resolutions, Work, Sin, and the Gospel

Ugh. January. It’s supposed to be a month of hope for a new year, a fresh start, and resolutions.

But not so much for me.

I’m a solid mid-February resolution kinda gal.

That is…if you can call the loose ideas of what I’d like to see happen in the newish year a “resolution.” Clearly, I’m not very “resolute” about it.

So, when My Hubs asked me last week if I wanted to go out to dinner after we put the kids down and discuss our New Year’s resolutions, I said,

“Sure, that sounds great!”

…and then immediately thought,

“Well the dinner and hanging out sounds great, but I guess that means I need to try and come up with some ideas for resolutions, so I can contribute something to the conversation.”

We put the kids down for the night and headed out. On the car ride over, I tried my hardest to come up with some ideas for resolutions, but when we arrived at the restaurant, I still had nothin’.

My dear, sweet husband, on the other hand, had 5 different categories and then subcategories for each category.

Awesome.

This is one of the many reasons that we are a good fit. We balance each other.

And by “balance each other” I mean that he is awesome and once in a while some of his awesomeness rubs off on me.

Unfortunately that night, the awesomeness clung to him like my winter staticky hair, so all I could do was piggy back off some of his thoughtful resolutions. …and at least the food was good.

So this last week, I’ve been thinking about why I have been completely unmotivated to come up with any goals or resolutions for this year (even more than normal).

And after thinking about it for a few days, I think I know why.

I think the reason is that to come up with resolutions and then to actually follow through with them, sounds like a lot of work. And honestly, I haven’t been exactly thrilled with the work that is sitting in front of me, so why would I make a bunch of resolutions just to make more work for myself?

Maybe it’s the winter blah’s and that we are stuck inside most days, maybe it’s the age of my kiddos, or this long transition we are in, maybe it’s just my sinful heart, but whatever the reason…work is really HARD right now.

For me, right now some of the work that is hard is making dinner, cleaning the bathroom, putting away clothes, picking up toys, cleaning the disgusting high chair, LOTS of discipline followed by long talks with the kiddos, keeping the baby from eating paper, keeping the middle two from killing each other, (did I mention LOTS of discipline?) helping the oldest with homework, and it goes on and on…

So, this last week I was reading in Ecclesiastes chapter 3, which talks about how everything has a season and there is a time for everything under the sun, and then the verses that followed stuck out to me.

Ecclesiastes 3:9-14,

^“What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has put eternity into man’s heart, yet man cannot fathom what God has done from the beginning to the end.  I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live;  that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God’s gift to man.”

As I read these verses a few parts popped out at me concerning work (I accidentally typed “pooped out” at me, Oh yeah, I’m struggling with changing stinky diapers all day too!)

God designed us to work, it was always part of the plan

Sometimes, I act like the reason we have work is that we live in a broken, sinful world. But that’s not true. Work has always been a part of God’s design for us. We know that God himself worked. He created the world, then created us in His image, so it makes sense that we work as well. We also know that Adam was given work in the garden before sin entered the world. And here in Ecclesiastes 3:10 right after Solomon asks, “What good is all this hard work gaining for us?” then his next sentence he writes, “I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with.” He says, that is it God who has given us this work.

God means to give us meaning and satisfaction in our work

Verse 11 says, that God has “put eternity into man’s heart.” God created in us a desire for meaning, for purpose, and for eternal things beyond the natural world in front of us. I know that I can only find that meaning and satisfaction in a relationship with God through Christ. But in that relationship, God has also given me certain work to do.

For example…

–Go and make disciples (Matthew 28: 19)

-He said we are God’s workmanship created in Christ to do good works (Eph. 2:10)

-He has called us to “live a Holy Life” and “give all glory to God” (2 Timothy 1:9 and 1 Cor.10:31)

These are verbs here! Although our actions and works don’t save us (Jesus’ work on the cross did that), we weren’t meant to just sit around the rest of lives either!

God’s wants us to be a part of the global work He is doing…

I want to be a part of God’s big story of redemption. But sometimes it’s hard to see how my work has anything to do with that work! The last part of verse 11 says, that we can’t even fathom all the work that God has done or is doing from the beginning to the end. Basically, He is God, Knower of all things, and I am…well, I’m not. So, even though I can’t always see how the work God has given me, will have much effect on eternity. I can trust that HE knows.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really struggled this last week thinking through the work stuff…and still doing the work! And I came to realize that “work” wasn’t really the issue. As I thought through the reasons WHY I wasn’t happy with the work God has given me, my sinful heart became so evident.

My selfishness – I don’t really want to do work for others all the time

My pride – Surely, I can come up with better work than this.

My idolatry – I basically want to be my own god. I want to decide what work I should do, when I do it, and how it gets done.

Sometimes, I seem so hopeless. But the more I was broken by my sin, the more I was thankful for the gift of the gospel…and specifically God’s mercy towards us. Then I just “happened”  to read these thoughts by Paul Tripp this morning…

“When I come to the Lord after I’ve blown it, I’ve only one argument to make. It’s not the argument of the difficulty of the environment that I am in. It’s not the argument of the difficult people that I’m near. It’s not the argument of good intentions that were thwarted in some way.

I come to the Lord with only one appeal; his mercy. I’ve no other defense. I’ve no other standing. I’ve no other hope. I can’t escape the reality of my biggest problem; me! So I appeal to the one thing in my life that’s sure and will never fail. I appeal to the one thing that guaranteed not only my acceptance with God, but the hope of new beginnings and fresh starts. I appeal on the basis of the greatest gift I ever have or ever will be given.

I leave the courtroom of my own defense, I come out of hiding and I admit who I am. But I’m not afraid, because I’ve been personally and eternally blessed. Because of what Jesus has done, God looks on me with mercy. It’s my only appeal, it’s the source of my hope, it’s my life. Mercy, mercy me!  ~Whiter Than Snow: Meditations on Sin and Mercy

Oh what a sweet and precious reminder of what the gospel is to those who believe!

Whether we are struggling with work, or discontentment, or jealousy, or pride, or lust, or lying, we can meet Him at his throne, ask for forgiveness, and rest in his mercy because of the work of our Savior, Jesus.

Our Loooooong Transition

Some of you might remember last May or June when I told everyone and posted on Facebook (which makes it ultra-official, right?) that we were moving to Columbus, Ohio in July. Then, the last few months I’ve posted pictures like this…

And this…

And you thought, “Hmm, I guess I haven’t been to Columbus in a while, but that sure doesn’t look like Columbus.” Well you are right. We aren’t in Columbus…yet. In fact, we are in a long transitional period. If you have a few minutes, I will back up a little and tell you about it. Oh you do? Great!

Back in January or February (who can remember these things exactly?) I began to read a book called, “Anything” by Jennie Allen. The book basically shares her family’s story of surrender and how God used their prayer of “Anything God!” to flip their lives upside down.

It was quite timely, I knew big changes were coming up and I had no idea what those changes were going to look like for our family. My Hubs was just a few months away from finishing residency and had begun looking into jobs. We didn’t know if that job would be going overseas, staying in Tulsa, moving back to Ohio closer to family, or something entirely different.

So, I began to pray, “Anything, God! We want, what You want!” I was totally honest with Him. I told Him the things I was scared to do and why. I told Him what I wanted to do and why.

Then one night, in our backyard, sitting around a fire (because that’s where pretty much all of our best conversations happen), My Hubs told me about how one particular job kept coming to his mind again and again.

It was a clinic where he had completed a short rotation back in December of last year. The clinic is in the heart of the poorest neighborhood in its county, and its mission is to, “minister the love of Christ as a full-service medical home, focused on whole person wellness, available to all regardless of ability to pay.” So, basically its this sweet medical clinic, run by people who love and need Jesus, serving a ton of poor people, who also really need Jesus…in the ghetto.

So he tells me this, and I’m going to be really honest here…

My first thought was, “Awesome. Close to family!”

My second thought was, “We can live in a nice suburb, outside town, and he can commute.”

Because the fact is, we’ve NEVER lived in a nice area. Our first apartment complex was suuuuper cheap…for good reason (rats in the laundry room basement, among other things). The house we rented right after that, was suuuuper cheap, because the neighborhood was literally on the wrong side of the tracks, in another poor neighborhood (quite poor, for example, all our neighbors shared one vacuum). Then we moved to Tulsa, and found a wonderful, cute, perfect home for us…in another poor neighborhood.

And honestly…I just kinda wanted to be over that phase of our life.

I just wanted to live in a “nice” neighborhood, where my neighbors had jobs and went to work. Where I could walk my double stroller around without carrying pepper spray to ward off the 20 stray dogs, and without avoiding the “homeless highway” which was 25 yards behind our backyard. (can’t you feel the love and compassion for the poor that was just effortlessly flowing out of me?)

Plus, my oldest was going to start kindergarten, so in my head, we needed to move to a good school district. And since I hadn’t been super steller at reaching our poor neighbors in the past, surely I’d be better at sharing Jesus with people in a “nice” neighborhood. Right?

All the sudden, I found myself taking back my prayer of “Anything God!” and amending it to, “Anything, but this, this, and this.”

Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to live in a nice neighborhood, and there’s nothing wrong with living in a nice neighborhood.

But when I started making demands and exceptions to what I would and wouldn’t do while following Jesus, there was a problem.

Because the Bible doesn’t say, “Love the Lord your God with half your heart, mind, and soul, and love whatever you want with the other half.”

It doesn’t say, “In some of your ways, acknowledge Him, and then you can direct your own path.”

No, God wants us, “All in.”

So, what did I do? As a mature, adult woman, I stopped praying altogether for a couple weeks. I thought that maybe I could just ignore the whole thing.

But after being pretty miserable, I began to pray again. This time saying, “Lord, right now I am clearly, not willing to do ANYTHING. So, please help me be willing! Change my heart!

And you know what? Something crazy happened.

No, the Lord didn’t tie my hands behind my back, threaten me with the most terrible thing I can think of happening, if I didn’t go happily wherever he wanted me to go.

No, He actually was really gentle. He began bringing specific Scriptures to my mind, again and again. He brought people to speak truth to me and shatter much of my wrong thinking. He brought books across my path that got me excited to serve the poor, and slowly He changed my heart and made me, believe it or not, excited to move to the ghetto.

Meanwhile, my hubs is not a ginormous over-processor like I am, so he was more like, “Hey, I think God wants us to do this, so let’s do it!” (I still marvel at this, and try to remember we’ve all got our strengths…for example, I can…err, fall asleep really quickly)

So, we decide, “Okay let’s do it! Let’s go for the Columbus job! We are both really excited about it…and then guess what happens?

All these saweeeet job offers start rollin’ in. Jobs that look so much better on paper, jobs that have built in ministry, jobs where we can see exactly how we could use our gifts, jobs super close to either friends or family, even jobs overseas (that in my mind, at the time, would have been easier than the U.S. ghetto).

And we are both thinking, “Seriously?”

Sooooo, we spend some time praying about each job. BUT after praying, we again feel like the Lord is leading us to Columbus and now more specifically, to definitely live in the poor neighborhood where the clinic is located.

We sign a contract and BAM, just like that, it’s a done deal.

Then, we just have to find a house. Now we were thinking, “Oh that shouldn’t be a big deal because the Lord wants us there, AND He’s already provided wonderful houses for us in the past.”

So, I make the Facebook announcement that we moving to Columbus. My Hubs graduates, we pack up a truck with all our earthly belongings, and we head to his parent’s house, without a place to live, but sure we will find something quickly.

We keep our stuff in the U-Haul truck for a few days and head up to Columbus which is about an hour away. We look for a house to rent in the specific neighborhood that we feel that God wants us to live in, and….

Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Since it’s a rougher neighborhood, it quickly became clear that it was going to be difficult to find housing that was both big enough for our family and in fairly good condition.

After a few days of looking, we finally unpacked all of our boxes into my in-laws barn. (all our boxes under tarps because the roof leaks)

Over the next few weeks, we continued to look for housing and continued to dig through our boxes. My kids most commonly used phrase became, “When we get our stuff out of the boxes, then we can….”

We found several opportunities outside of the neighborhood, but again, we really felt like the Lord wanted us in this one neighborhood…so we turned them down.

Eventually, I talked to this guy about a house that I had seen on Facebook. I asked him if he would consider selling it to us, and he said he would get back to us.

Meanwhile, I had been praying about what to do with my oldest son (our quiet, timid, non-lover-of-change, son) who was supposed to start kindergarten in August…which at this point, was quickly approaching. We were trying to avoid starting him in a local school and then pulling him out a month later, moving, and then not sure about the next schooling option.

So by praying, “Anything God!” about his schooling, the Lord performed a miracle and changed this mama’s heart to even be willing to homeschool. I’m not against homeschooling, I just know it doesn’t line up with my particular skill set. However, thinking that was the best option at the time, I did my research, ordered the curriculum, and started to gear up for talk myself into, a year of homeschooling. Four kids at home, the oldest being 5 years old, the youngest being 6 months, I can TOTALLY do this, and it will be perfect with my super organized disorderly personality!

Then the owner of the house got back to us and said that he did not want to sell it. We were a little bummed, but kept looking.

Weeks go by.

One week away from the start of school, with no houses on the horizon, My Hubs and I email the owner of the house that we offered to buy, and ask if we could rent it. He quickly said that yes we could, however, we needed to wait until the current lease was up…which was the end of March.

Eight. Months. Away.

We talked it over and agreed to wait for the house. So, we met my son’s kindergarten teacher the next day, he started school three days after that, and he’s attending the same school My Hubs attended in elementary school. (which is pretty awesome)

Now, My Hubs is commuting about an hour each way, which isn’t as bad as we thought it would be, and we are living with his padres. …which if you are going to live with someone, it’s as ideal as you can get.

They have four bedrooms and a bath upstairs and their bedroom is downstairs AND they can’t even hear our kids crying or whining up there, which takes a HUGE weight off of me! They live on a beautiful farm and the kids can roam and play for hours.

Plus, my in-laws are crazy amazing, which makes the whole thing doable.

And so we find ourselves in a looooong transition.

Eight months. Did I mention that?

And honestly, we aren’t sure why we are here for this long, although I have my guesses.

Sometimes, I think it’s because of the mom who needs to know Jesus, whom I talk with every time I pick my son up from school. That wouldn’t be too crazy would it? Keeping our family here for 8 months for her? Actually to me, it sounds a little like what I know of God’s heart….leaving the ninety-nine to go after the one.

Sometimes, I think it’s because we are headed into some hard stuff. Maybe God knew we needed life to realllllllly sloooow dooooown.  Maybe this down time is for us to get our energy up, to draw even closer as a couple and family, to pray and to be still, before we head back into crazy life.

Sometimes, I think it’s because I had a lot of excuses to put things off (e.g. this blog), when we were really busy, so when I couldn’t use those excuses anymore, I just had to start doing those things.

Maybe someday we will look back and know exactly why we were here for 8 months and maybe we won’t. But for now, we are actually really enjoying it.

And even though there are still so many unknowns, like the fact that we are moving into a house that we’ve never actually stepped foot inside. We are moving to a neighborhood that we really don’t know that much about. We have no big or great plans, We aren’t super stars at living among the poor. But ya know what? It has been super clear that God wants us there, and THAT makes us really really excited.

So bring on the adventure! Well that is…in another 3.5 months. Ha!

Kids Advent Reading…Nailed It!

I ordered an advent story book for the kiddos and it came in the mail this week. I read it after they went to bed one night and I LOVED it. I seriously couldn’t wait to read it to them.

So yesterday, once everyone was home from school, I turned on some Christmas music and let it play softly in the background. I had thought all day about reading them this book.

I imagined my sweet kiddos curled up around me on the couch, delighting in the pictures, waiting with bated breath for each turn of the page, and then happily surprised at the end to find out it was all about a precious baby boy (they like babies).

Instead, this is what happened…

My first born turned down the invitation to read with me, in order to continue lining up his trucks on the floor.

My daughter was too busy trying to mess up my son’s trucks to join me.

The baby was taking a nap, which was fine by me, because currently, all he wants to do is EAT books.

But my second born…my cuddler, he agreed and sat down beside me. I was happy with that, and thought maybe the other two would join us once they heard my exquisite storytelling.

I began to read in my best storyteller voice and I could tell my cuddler was really getting into it. By the fourth page my daughter came up behind the couch we were sitting on, stood on a chair, and shoved my cuddler in the back of the head so she could get a better view of the pictures. He squealed in anger and I pulled her over the back of the couch to sit on the other side of me. She of course, thought it was a game and ran around to do it again. Two year olds. So fun.

After the third time, I finally got her to sit beside me and we started reading again. Shockingly, we got two more pages read and my cuddler was still engaged and my daughter was quiet.

But then came sobbing from the other side of the room. My first born “can’t find his camo truck” and “has looked everywhere.” …which meant he hadn’t really looked anywhere. I told him to keep looking for it, and I read one more page before the sobbing grew louder.

I stopped and found the truck in 2.5 seconds. Imagine that, it was under the pillow next to all the other trucks.

I sat back down and I could tell that these two weren’t going to last much longer, so I ditched the good storyteller voice and replaced it with my Gilmore Girls impression, which is about two-thirds the speed of an auctioneer.

We were doing pretty well, when I started to feel my pant leg, feeling, well…soggy.

My daughter had peed on me.

Ugh, had I really forgotten to put a new pull-up on her after the last trip to the potty? Yes, yes, I had.

After we got, my daughter, the couch, and me, all cleaned up, my stubbornness started to really kick in…”We are Going to finish this book!”

So, we read the last couple pages, we finally got to Jesus and the manger, and just as we were about to talk about how HE is really the reason we celebrate Christmas, all the sudden my children became overcome with an insatiable hunger and needed.snacks.immediately.

And you know what? I was annoyed.

My initial thought was, “Oh well, maybe when they are older.” But as I continued to think about it over the next few minutes…as I handed out snacks, picked up clothes, changed diapers, I had another thought.

No, this is exactly what advent (the eager anticipation) and Christmas (the arrival) is all about…

Jesus, entering into our chaos.

That’s what makes it so incredible, the One who made us, came to live with us…in the craziness!

“Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be used for His own advantage. Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a slave, taking on the likeness of men.” (Philippians 2:5b-7)

So he came here, as a helpless baby, born in a smelly barn, where he slept in a trough with some hay.

It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t Pinterest worthy.

But that humble, shoddy place, with that weak and weary mama, is the heart of Christmas, “God with Us” in our mess. …coming not to be served, but to serve. THAT is what I need to remember and what I want my kids to hear this year.

And those conversations are never planned or forced. No, those usually come on the ordinary days, when I least expect it, in the midst of the chaos.

Oh sweet Jesus, thank you for coming into our mess. You didn’t wait for us to “get it together” because you knew that would never happen. No, you came in our brokenness. While we were still sinners you came to live with us, and ultimately to die for us. It’s a gift I could never earn but can only humbly accept. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

(“Advent” photo via Bigstock.com and Song of the Stars photo was created at snappa.io)

Fully Alive

My Uncle Danny’s memorial service is today. A “Memorial Service” not a “Funeral.” While some may say it’s merely semantics, to Christians, and especially to his family, it makes all the difference in the world.

You see, a funeral is a ceremony honoring a dead person. But we believe my Uncle Danny is more alive today than he has ever been. Right now his soul is set free from a broken body…and that little taste of home that we get here on earth, when sweet friends and family are together; laughing and sharing stories, yeah that little window into what our ultimate Homecoming will be like…he has just begun that. And not just the taste of home, but he is experiencing it, in it’s full glory…forever with Jesus.

So today, there is a Memorial Service to celebrate his life. …and yes, there will be lots and lots and lots of tears because he will be incredibly missed and because he loved God and loved people so very well. BUT for those of us who love Jesus, we aren’t just sad, we are also a little jealous. Jealous that he is finally with his Friend, and we kinda wish we could be there with them too.

Doesn’t talking this way sound so weird? It is. But that’s what Jesus offers us.

Life.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

And so we have lots of feelings today. Amazingly, when God made us, He didn’t limit us to feeling just one emotion at a time. We can feel fully broken-hearted that we no longer get to see, touch, and talk with my uncle, and yet we can also feel completely grateful that he is now with Jesus. We can struggle with God choosing to take his life away from this earth, in our minds, perhaps prematurely, and yet we can cry tears of joy that God didn’t spare is own Son for us…giving all of this meaning and purpose.

This last week my son asked me if it was okay if grownups cried. I was so embarrassed that he even had to ask the question. How many conversations and opportunities had I missed in which to talk to him through tear stained cheeks? Did I hide in my room and cry? Did I hold back the tears that could have so easily fallen, just to appear strong?

No, I want him to see the tears. I want him to be able to feel a little bit of the sadness that someone else feels.

During this holiday season, don’t block out the feeling of loss and sadness. Let them come. Feel it fully.

Because love in its truest form is the full spectrum of feelings. We know this because that’s what we saw in Jesus, both joy and sadness, laughter and tears. And so this season when the feelings come, whether of loss or of sweet tastes of home, let them draw your hearts to heaven.

Because we celebrate this very season…Christmas, because Jesus came here… in order that we may have life and that we may have it FULLY… both now and forever.

(photo via bigstock.com)

 

A Dog, a Fish, and Me…

Do you remember the game TriBond? In the game, a person is given three words and then has to answer what those three words have in common before the timer runs out. You remember! Oh good! Well let’s play a quick round.

What do these three things have in common?

“Dug” the cute dog in the movie Up

“Dory” the fish in the movie Finding Nemo,

“Candace” in the story of my life

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

Do you think you know?

Well the answer is…

We all get easily distracted. (second acceptable answer: a sidekick that provides comic relief. Ha!)

I remember all too well when I worked in an office cubicle. By the afternoon, I would run out of work or be bored out of my mind, and I’d try to distract myself from the minutes (that seemed like hours), by getting down my calendar and counting the days until the next fun event.

I do the same kind of things even now that I stay at home with my kiddos. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children to death. I know they are a gift and a privilege and I’m so thankful to be able to stay at home with them. But sometimes the days seem long! It’s not always super fun answering my two year olds, “wus dat?” all.day.long. or breaking up squabbles every 15 minutes, or cleaning up what seems to be an insurmountable number of Cheerios.

So, what do I do when I’m not thrilled about all that?

-I check my email…90 times a day. If strangers were trying to guess my job position by how often I check my email, they’d probably think I was weighing in on how to solve world hunger and my plan to accomplish world peace. And yet, weirdly enough, those Pizza Hut deals, Groupon advertisements, and Kohls coupons that fill my inbox, just.aren’t.that.important.

-And sometimes I peruse online stores…”Whaaaaat? Amazon has a sale on a 14 Amp Electric Wood Chipper! Surely, we could come up with some way to use that!”

-And I read random articles online, “Oh wow, 8 Steps on How to Name African Animals in French! That definitely won’t be a waste of my time!”

-And don’t even get me started on how easy it is to distract myself on Facebook or Instagram! “Tommy from second grade, whom I haven’t seen in 15 years, just got a new cat! Crazy!”

So on good days, I’m trying really hard to stay engaged with my kids, and husband, and friends, and ignore all that.

On bad days, I’m distracted most of the day, look back at the end, and wonder if I did or said anything that was purposeful.

After thinking about it, I think these are some of the reasons I get distracted (and maybe you too).

First, it feels like a lot of things and people want my attention. My hubs and kiddos, obviously. And then my friends and family, actually want to know that I haven’t fallen off the face of the planet every once in a while. And then there are others…the people I don’t even know. Advertisers and businesses that invade my space via the internet and TV. I read a recent report that said…

“Americans now own four digital devices on average, and the average U.S. consumer spends 60 hours a week consuming content across devices.”

(to read the article click HERE)

60 hours a week. Wow.

That’s 3,120 hours a year

That means on average, we spend 130 days each year…“consuming content” …and probably a lot of that “content” is junk.

Um yeah, I’m pretty sure that my electronic devices haven’t exactly helped me in the area of distraction.

Second, it’s easier NOT to deal with things. Honestly, it takes A LOT of energy to connect with my spouse on a deeper level, to actually deal with my kids hearts rather than just correct their outward behavior, and to wrestle through what it means to “love you neighbor” when you see what is going on in the world…and sometimes, I.just.don’t.want.to. …and so I just avoid it.

Third, I get bored and have trouble remembering the value in the mundane. “Does my life raising four little crumb-makers really make any difference in the world?” And even if I know the answer is yes, it doesn’t always feel that way.

Last, I’m fighting in a war. Satan is literally described as a roaring lion, waiting to devour us (1 Peter 5:8). And he’s sneaky too. So a great way to keep me from anything meaningful and of eternal matters is to distract me.  In the Screwtape letters, by C.S. Lewis, Screwtape writes to his nephew about how he has distracted people. He gives the example of a man who starts thinking about eternal things, and then Screwtape reminds the man that its lunch time, then points out the #73 bus, and then the boy selling papers, and just like that, the man is off track. I don’t know if works exactly like that or not, but it sure doesn’t seem too crazy does it?

So, if we have all these things in our lives, (some good, some bad) vying for our attention, what do we do?

Well you know what? I’m pretty sure God knew we were going to struggle with being distracted, because He told us what to do about it, look at these verses…

“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2

“…fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” Corinthians 4:18

“Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfect of our faith.”  Hebrews 12:1b-2a

I don’t think we would have to be told again and again to focus on Jesus and things that will last, if it came super easy for us!

Clearly, it doesn’t come easy for me! I have to consciously fight to FIX my eyes on Jesus. I have to ask Him to help me to even try, let alone do any of this. I have to talk with Him about my struggles of value and boredom. I have to read His Word to straighten out my often crooked thinking. Oh man, that last one is so big for me. I love what John Piper said about God’s Word…

“The Word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword and it will penetrate deeper than any deception of sin has ever gone and reveal what is truly valuable and what is truly worth trusting.” (to listen or read his message click HERE)

Oh, so true!!

I also think there are some other practical things I can do…because let’s be honest, I need all the help I can get! Since right now, technology is what’s distracting me the most, these are a few things that I am going to try.

-Delete the Facebook and Instagram apps from my phone

-My hubs and I decided no smart phones before bed

-Place my phone up high during the day, so I can hear it if its rings, but I don’t see it every time I walk by it

-Create fun things to do with my kiddos during the day, that we all enjoy 🙂

I know for me, listening to songs that lead me to the cross and also putting verses where I can see them always helps too. I have to take proactive steps because if I’m not fighting for focus then I will definitely end up completely distracted.

I LOVE this quote by Jim Elliot, and these are going on my Christmas list (and yes, my sisters and I still make Christmas lists).

Which you can download HERE at this Etsy shop

or this one…

Which you can buy HERE at this Etsy shop

But REALLY this one is the one I need to remember the most…