I cried all the way home from the grocery store this morning.
My sweet mom sets aside her Tuesday mornings to go grocery shopping with me…and this morning I needed her more than usual. School was canceled for my oldest two, so I got to take all four kiddos to the grocery store. But that wasn’t why I was crying (although some days that would have done it). I needed my mom this morning to just listen to me, let me cry, hold my hand, and offer a couple thoughts just before getting out of the car.
On top of feeling like a really terrible mom lately, and knowing that I just need the Lord to save my children despite their mother’s hourly shortcomings; I’ve also had a heavy heart over two families that we know. One family just lost their oldest son this last week to illness at age 13 and the other a two year old girl who is still fighting for her little life.
Right after my dad died, my five day old little girl was hospitalized with bacterial meningitis. I missed my dad’s funeral because I was states away sitting in a hospital room holding my little one. I remember so vividly feeling carried through that time. So many people were praying for our family, so many people were heartbroken for us, and while I know the Lord Himself gave me strength, I also feel like He allowed others to carry some of the burden both physically and emotionally.
And I have felt it this week. I have felt heartbroken for these two families.
So while talking with my mom, the tears (and the snot) just started flowing. As I pulled up to her home, she took my hand and said, “You know Candace, there are a few good things about getting older. When your body starts to fall apart and your mind isn’t as sharp as it used to be, you absolutely know that you can’t do life in your own strength and that you need God’s.”
Then she squeezed my hand, said that she would be praying for me, and got out of the car.
I knew she was right.
I not only needed to ask God to give these families strength but I needed God’s strength too. …and a little bit of His perspective couldn’t hurt either!
So as I started the drive home, I began to preach truth to myself. By “preaching truth to myself” I mean that in my mind the song, “Eye of the Tiger” starts playing, and I go into Rocky Balboa mode and I start going over the things that I know to be true about God.
The first thing that came to my mind was that God is in control and has a plan. While I may not understand completely what He is doing in the lives of these families, I know that ultimately His plans are good and that I can trust Him. I thought about Psalm 24:1 that says, “The earth is the Lord’s and everything in it, the world and all who live in it.”
I also know that God has shown us again and again in Scriptures that one of His purposes is to “Make His Name Great” and that we are supposed to “Make known among the nations what He has done!” And while this side of heaven we will never fully understand or make complete sense of all the struggle in our lives, I, personally can look back at this week and say that I’ve been completely blown away at how God glorifying these two families have been IN THE MIDST of their suffering. They have both truly made His Name Great through their faith, their attitudes, and their words. Not fake, but trusting in His character and resting in His strength!
Then while still preachin’ to myself…the next verse that came to my mind was Isaiah 55:9, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” But believing that truth and trusting Him in it is hard! So I prayed that I might “Trust in Him with all of me and stop relying on how I think the world should work.” (Proverbs 3:5 my paraphrase)
About that time, I looked in the rear view mirror at my four shockingly quiet kiddos, and I decided to turn on the radio for them. (Perhaps they saw my face and knew that I was in “Rocky” mode)
I turned on the radio and I listened to the first line of the song, and I just lost it (more tears and snot).
Oh, I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think you’re like
But I’ve heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you’re pleased
And that I’m never alone
~~~
You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am
And I started raising my hand to the heavens (no worries the other hand was still on the steering wheel) and I realized that sometimes, when preaching to myself, I get into the “Buck up Candace!” mentality and think things like “God’s in charge and you aren’t! Get over it and just trust Him!”
…But I forget the loving, gracious, gentle, Father that draws me in so that I want to follow Him.
Then the next part of the song says…
Oh, and I’ve seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we’re all searching
For answers only you provide
Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word
~~~
You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am
~~~
Cause you are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us
(Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin – Listen to it by clicking HERE)
Oh, what a sweet reminder that no matter what is going in life, my God doesn’t change.
He is, who He is, and therefore I know who I am!
And a Big part of Who He is…is a Good Father!
A Father who we can trust, even when it doesn’t all make sense. A Father in whom we can bring our concerns, our tears, our questions, and who holds the answers. A Father who loves these families and kiddos more than any of us. A Father who knows I’m going to mess up this parenting stuff a lot, but still gives grace and forgiveness. A Father who will let us carry each other’s burdens…even if just a little bit. And a Father who will give us His strength and perspective when we need it…which is always!
Simple and Sweet 